i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
