There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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