We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
