I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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