I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
