idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize