I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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