I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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