I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
