youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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