There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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