well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
