it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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