erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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