what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
