you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
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I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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