whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
