you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
