Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
