C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
