As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
