is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
