You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
