There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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