why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
