saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
