Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
