Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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