The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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