I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
