Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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