hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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