We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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