Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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