i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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