all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
