waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
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look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
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is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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