New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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