Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
