eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
