Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
