I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
