Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am available for nakedness
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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