I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
