look no pants
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
