I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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