Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
