I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
