Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize