Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
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My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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