just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
