just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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