You're completely useless in the revolution.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
this hospital has no fireball
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
