I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
