Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
